I’m in the middle of a very difficult break up. After doing some serious soul searching I know ending it was the right thing to do. The relationship had become toxic. Unhealthy in every way. So, I’ve done it. I’ve broken up with Cereal.
We’d been together for so long that I’m not even sure where it went wrong. It all started out so innocently. Meeting over a bowl of milk and watching cartoons together. Cereal was so sweet and thoughtful too, always offering a prize at the end of our dates. Through college we spent less and less time apart. I introduced Cereal to my friends. We ate nearly every meal together. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, mid-night post keg-party snacks, handfulls while pulling all night study sessions. I know they say admitting the problem is the hardest part. I beg to differ. The hardest part was watching my Sugar, Cereal walk out of my life and out of breakfast forever. No longer having Cereal in my life is breaking my heart into brightly colored tiny little marshmallow pieces.
It’s been two weeks since I last saw Cereal. It was at the grocery store, on aisle nine. I tried to remain focused on the granola bars, never meeting Cereal’s sparkely blue star-shaped eyes. It was all I could do to keep myself from just grabbing onto Cereal and taking it home for a romantic evening with a carafe of 2% lactose free milk. Instead I left the store without even saying hello. It was agonizing.
I slept fitfully that night, unable to put the near run in with Cereal out of my mind. In the morning I returned to my new morning breakfast menu of yogurt, fruit and cottage cheese. I turned on the television and there bouncing brightly on the screen, it was Cereal. Looking more multi-colored than ever… and with someone new. I think Cereal had even added chocolate oat bits. Cereal was better than ever… without me. It was then that I realized Cereal had moved on. It was time for me to move on too. I quickly changed the channel from Nick to CNBC and took a bite of melon. Breakfast would never be the same.
Since the break up I’m ashamed to say I have found myself surfing the web late at night, cruising the Lucky Charms fun pages. Lurking on the Kellogg’s Fun K Town site, playing Cereal games and looking at old photographs. Yes, jonesing for Cereal. Cereal is appearantly the new crack.
Other places to get a Cereal fix:
Cereality Cereal Bar and Cafe. At Cereality, the official tagline is “95% of Americans like Cereal. 57% like sex. We’ve got cereal.” And it’s true, they’ve got all the best cereal served any way you like it, hot or cold. At Cereality, customers can create personalized blends of cereals, toppings and flavored milk crystals. The friendly pajama clad employees will make your mixture into a breakfast bar, a blended drink or serve it up traditional style in a fancy signature Cereality to-go bowl. There’s even a Moo Bar with every kind of milk imaginable. So, if you are in Chicago, Arizona or Pennsyvania visit this innovative cafe style take on breakfast fast food. Too bad there isn’t a location in California. Well, in my case, it’s probably for the best..
Pine for Cereals of the past and present:
At Nostalgia Central you can take a walk down memory lane with other equally spun Cereal junkies. And if your feeling bitter, Richard Berry at RetroCrush has a great photo collection of Cereal concepts wrong including such jems as OJs orange juice flavored cereal and Post Crispy Numbers .
Read up on Cereal’s every move:
The Empty Bowl reports all things newsworthy in the world of Cereal. Recent news includes a piece entitled “Reduced Sugar Cocoa Puffs – Dancing with the Devil?” by Empty Bowl staff writer Mike D. It’s like CNN for Cereal. You can also take surveys and show your love of all things Cereal with Empty Bowl’s own line of Cerealistic fashions and accessories.
Get a job at a company that supports your addiction:
Reason #1,063 to work for Google: FREE CEREAL!! It’s true. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Every floor of every building has a snack bar loaded with all of your colorful marshmallow laden favorites packed in convenient ready for milk bowls. And speaking of milk, the refrigerators are loaded with every fat denomination of milk including soy milk! And you thought the stock options were motivating.
UPDATE:
Why must Safeway mock me?
Thanks
