Kay-I-eSS-eSS-I-eNN-Gee

Yes, Cupcakes it’s true; it seems Layercake.net has a tiny bit of a crush on David and Goliath creator, artist Todd Goldman. Actually it’s more of a huge crash of frosting and cake all over each other kind of crush.
Let’s make-out!

Other Todds we adore…

We have big, sloppy alone at the drive-inn kisses for Comedian, Todd Glass

-There are only four words to describe Mr Glass; Hi, lar, i, ous.
Catch him on Comedy Central or check his tour schedule then practice writing Mrs. Todd Glass over and over in your math notebook.

Our hearts go thumpa thumpa for Designer, Todd Oldham. From catwalk couture and devine decor, to perfume and photography; we love it all. Anyone who can take a Lazy Boy from dowdy to de rigueur makes the cover of our lookbook.

We want to skip hand in hand with JP Todd, carrying secret love notes in our Tod’s handbag of course. In particular, the bag carried by Kate Hudson in the film movie Raising Helen. If anyone out there has one of these georgeous specimens tossing about, the Quality Review Panel at Layercake.net would love to add one to our collection. We’re actually working on creating a designer sample closet. Our goal is to erect a sample closet that will kick the ass of Vogue Magazine’s editors sample closet.

Naturally we still have a big soft spot for dotcom bust darling, Odd Todd.

You can fall in love too.

Don’t toy with our hearts! We’re creeped out and crushed out all at once for Todd MacFarlane. Yes, even girls get hot for action figures; we can hardly wait for the Napoleon Dynamite action figure collection coming November 2005!

We love all things Todd. In fact, our love is so great that we promise to name our first baked cupcake, Todd.

Who do you love?

This is wrong on so many levels. If little tiny canines friends were meant to be carried around for hours hanging in Fendi slings, wouldn’t they have been born wrapped in swaddling Fendi?

Just how far will this Fall’s large purse trend go?

Ridiculously Large Purse- Non Celebrity sighting:

Ridiculously Large Purse Celebrity sighting:

Nordstrom Handbag Fit Tip:

This bag holds a wallet, water bottle, make-up bag, one Toyota Prius and 2 fully clothed Hilary Duffs.

More dot mockery goes out to the online efforts of Nordstrom.com. While they are doing a lot of things right, this screenshot made layercake’s commerce team of one cry tears of acid. Ouch.

Wow, is this what the color black looks like? Oh, so we should just imagine the jacket in black.

What Nordstrom is doing really well happens to be something incredibly simple. Most great ideas are just that— simple. Nordstrom communicates purse sizes in real life measurements by telling customers what fits in the bag. Nice. Very nice. Simple. Just like the one the word sentences littering this piece.

The internet is closed for business. Ok, not the entire internet, just the Gap. We’re just trying to illustrate the absurdity of closing an online store for a redesign. Perhaps the Gap is not aware that there is no square footage limit at the cyber mall? Or maybe they just don’t have the bandwidth to keep one store open and run a store redesign on test servers until the new store is tested and ready to launch. Bottom line, this big bucks brand is closed and has been for several weeks. This following the temporary closure of their two other popular online outlets, Old Navy and Banana Republic. Both Old Navy and Banana Republic have since reopened with the self deemed “innovative” new features. Uh, not so fast. Innovative? Not so much. What do we really have here, a few copycat features like same page shopping cart views, out of stock item suppression? Hmm where have I seen that before?

Yeah not so innovative. So what makes the shopping addicts fiends at Layercake experts and such super smarty hoo haws when it comes to what a site redesign entails? Well it just so happens that the founder of Layercake.net worked as a Marketing Analyst and Product Manager for Netflix.com for nearly five years. During that time there were multiple site redesigns and complete business model changes; all done with less than a few hours downtime.

And look, the Gap redesigns aren’t even complete! Coming soon, more not so amazing features! Soon, Old Navy and BR customers will be able to use “up to two gift certificates” at once! How ’bout three? Oh, not possible? Bummer.

Shop by size? Unheard of! Just ask Macy’s.com with shop by size and brand functionality.

Or Target.com where you can even shop by color.

Oh and rumor has it that if you try hard enough you can actually get in to the Gap’s online store. If only Gap would try harder. Oh and maybe they could get on board with the rest of us and put the k’bosh on the usage of “Click Here”.

UPDATE 9-27-2005:

It’s officially a trend. More shopus interruptus. Bloomingdale’s is in the trenches redesigning their virtual store. Throwing revenue out the virtual window. Don’t forget your hardhats. Ouch.

UPDATE: 9/27/2005: We’re in!

UPDATE: 9/29/2005: Gap opens their “doors” to fanfare after receiving Layercake.net’s award for Most Boring Store on the Web! Yawn. Too bad they couldn’t get their shopping cart to automatically calculate free shipping on 100 bucks. Customers will still need to enter prehistoric in-store offer free shipping codes!! Good job!!

An open letter to the producers of Starved:

My dearest darlings,

If anyone understands layercake, it’s you. And if loving frosting you is wrong, then damn it, we don’t want to be right.

Seven episodes and we’re nowhere near sated.

Like us, you understand that food is one of the more twisted addictions. One doesn’t just quit food, unless of course you happen to be Lindsay Skelohan.

We like to think a person could just break up with certain food groups. But wouldn’t that be like breaking it off with cigarettes only to take up cigars? It’s not okay.

Mmm, Starved. More please, sirs.

With all the fluffy layers of our love,

Layercake.net

Visit the Starved website and pine.

Why do the Hollywood studios treat San Francisco like the ugly stepsister of New York and Los Angeles? As usual a much anticipated film is opening early in New York and Los Angeles. San Francisco will have to wait.

Read James Rocchi’s review of Thumbsucker.

Update

Grover back at work.

For those readers out there who saw our earlier piece several weeks back detailing the current whereabouts of childhood favorite Grover, this is an update that quite frankly left me feeling relieved about the wellbeing of our beloved Sesame Street friend, Grover. Tear.

It seems that fans of Sesame Street character Grover can rest assured that his VH1′s Where Are They Now story will end on an up note. With his matted blue fur coat and twinking eyes Grover, who reached popularity in the late seventies portraying such memorable characters as Super Grover and Cafe Waiter, has landed a lucrative endorsement deal with Earth’s Best a subsidiary of Colorado based natural food distributor The Hain Celestial Group. Grover and other Sesame Street characters will endorse various cereal and cracker products targeted at the toddler market. Our sources tell us that the photoshoot became a war of egos as Elmo’s alleged diva demands caused tension on the set. We’re told that Elmo’s insistence on appearing solo on the largest box in the product line, the Organic On the Go Os box, caused a clash of egos not seen since Vanity Fair’s Desperate Housewives cover shoot. Dare we say it? Yes, the faux fur was flying.

A pic from the shoot :

Elmo’s rumored list of dressing room demands:

7 Lavender and jasmine scented candles by Tocca with beaded crystal holders
23 100% cotton yellow T-shirts by C&C California with the capital letter “E” embroidered on the chest
4 Bottles of Crystal; chilled

1 case Hypnotic
Separate quarters for personal assistant and stylist

Private massage room with full time masseuse
11 pairs of True Religion Daisy Short Shorts
30 cases of Kabbalah drinking water

Layercake.net has been stale for a few weeks and we want to apologize to all of our readers. So to all seven of you out there, we’ll do our best to keep the layers fresh and fluffy in the future. We thank you for your patience and understanding. Please enjoy this giant somewhat blurry photo of many pink erasers as a symbol of our desire to erase the lazy slackerism that resulted in the lack of recent posts. Special thanks to Popped Culture for taking a chance on an unknown kid by placing us in their blog roll. Namaste.