So wrong it’s right and then wrong again.

In Pop Culture, Watercooler by Heidi Nyburg on Monday, October 31, 2005

Could you be this child’s father? If so, please review this ad from the November 7th 2005 issue of People magazine. We read it and now Mommy and Daddy Layercake are no longer speaking after a raging argument over the paternity of little Cupcake. Thanks, People.

babydna

Fortunately, the ad includes the following caveat:

**Child model for illustrative purposes only.

Apparently the model baby has already successfully enlisted the services of Orchid Cellmark, Inc.

Who’s your daddy?

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Happy Halloween

In Pop Culture by Heidi Nyburg on Monday, October 31, 2005

HalloweenWishes

The staff at layercake.net wishes you Happy Halloween. In lieu of candy please accept this hastily compiled festive and frightening montage of pets in costumes as our Halloween gift to you.

HappyHalloweenMontage

What’s your trick?

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Purse Puppy Fad Jumps Shark.

In Fashion and Trends by Heidi Nyburg on Saturday, October 29, 2005

You heard it here first. Toting pets as accesories has officially gone too far.

Layercake.net presents the Fall 2005 Pets as Handbags Collection. We’ve taken steps to protect the identity of our model as we believe the shame of being toted around like a living Hello Kitty backback for the photoshoot has already caused tremendous damage to our fluffy friend’s fragile psyche.

PursePuppyMessengerTote

PursePuppyFannyPackHobo

PursePuppyClutchWristlette

And in case you think those totes don’t meet the definition of shark jumpage; here’s more proof that we have reached the end of Sanity Street when it comes to our precious pooches:

Puppystroller
Puppy Stroller

PPBarkfestSquares
Puppy Breakfast Cereal

What’s your puppy’s name?

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Babble turns its users into Kevin Bacon’s Hollow Man.

In Watercooler by Heidi Nyburg on Wednesday, October 26, 2005

BabbleUse

Ever wish you could talk smack about the people in your immediate proximity without getting caught? Oh my gosh, us too!!! Sonare Technologies and Herman Miller team up to bring us Babble a fresh take on the white noise machine that makes salacious smack talkin’ a consequence free possibility.

BabbleBecky
Actual Babble user talking smack. Hm, we like big butts.

This portable background noise machine uses the sounds of multiple human voices talking to drown out the sounds of individual conversations. Thus making it impossible for neighboring office mates to overhear your true feelings about your boss as conveyed via phone to your BFF. (For those readers older than Mischa Barton, BFF= Best Friend(s) Forever. Like, duh. See BFF used in a sentence below)

OMG! Paris and Nicole are no longer BFF!
ParisNicoleNotBFF

But we digress..
Babble, with its Herman Miller design not only brings psuedo privacy to continents of cubicle commoners, it also makes a handsome desk accessory! When using Babble you can look hip and stylish while you discuss ad naseum the details of last night’s episode of Drawn Together Desperate Housewives all without pesky co-workers becoming annoyed with your lack of “productivity”.

BabbleSonareHermanMiller
Handsome and stylish distant relative of the Aeron chair.

Sonare’s website suggests turning Babble on when you’re discussing finances, medical test results and homeland security. Hmm there goes our fantasy that the folks at Homeland Security are actually discussing that topic in an office with a 3 ft thick iron door that closes, a couple of fancy pants high back leather chairs and ooooh maybe an actual security system in place. We can see it now, Babble in the Oval Office Cubicle.

All this babble talk of practical uses for Babble got us thinking of some less business like uses for the lil’ guy.

1) Party’s a dud? No worries, just flip the switch on the Babble machine, crank up the volume and suddenly you’ve got a raging party! Babble will fool your guests into thinking they are frolicking at a fabulously festive fete!

2) Can’t decide what to take as your Luxury Item when you’re cast as a player on next season’s Survivor? Bring along the oh so portable Babble and drown out your strategic alliance building conversations. Fear not when deciding whom to vote off the island, with Babble even the shadow of a palm tree offers the ultimate in privacy.

3) Boss thinks you’re at a 3-day conference in Omaha but in reality you’re bronzing and babe watching by the hotel pool and you need to check in during the break? No problem. Erase the anxiety of that check in chat, Babble has it all under control. Just plug Babble in by the pool and dial Mr. Slate your boss directly. As a bonus your boss will want to cut the call short when he hears the bustling voices of the competition plotting in the background. Back to work, Flintstone!!

4) And from the looks of the ads, Babble also has the magical ability to make its users INVISIBLE!!
No, we are not making this up. See for yourself. We didn’t believe it either until we saw the image below. See? Not seeing is believing.

BabbleGroup
Babble users made invisible by its secret power of erasing heads and limbs.

We’re sure our readers have lots of ideas for ways to incorporate Babble into their lives.

What do you have to hide?

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National Throw Political Correctness Out the Window Day

In Television by Heidi Nyburg on Thursday, October 20, 2005

DrawnTogetherLogo

Yes, it’s hard to believe, but true! Today for 30 minutes ignore everything you think is right in the world. For the love of Ling Ling, cast all goodness aside and embrace your inner ass. Yes kids today is the premier of Drawn Together Season 2. Here at layercake, we have lost sleep wondering if there would be a second season of cartoon debauchery. If you haven’t seen the show, we suggest you toss the Season One DVD into the number one slot in your Netflix queue and Tivo tonight’s episode.

Drawn TogetherCastPhoto

This must see reality series keeps it real. Uh well, as real as an animated reality series can be. You never know what will happen next. We’re sure somebody out there knows. Maybe the creators, the animators and probably the writers. But our point is that as a viewer, you won’t know what will happen next and you will be entertained. It is also quite likely that you will be disgusted. But don’t let that stop you from watching! This adults only cartoon will make you laugh and then look around the room to make sure everyone else is laught. Not for the faint of heart Drawn Together boils to the surface everything ugly about human nature including racism, stereotypes and religious superiority. We dare you to laugh.

What makes you laugh?

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Love is the drug.

In Watercooler by Heidi Nyburg on Thursday, October 20, 2005

What started out as occasional social clicking rapidly plummeted into full fledged addiction for one staff member at pop culture blog layercake.net. Initially the staff member attempted to deny any involvement with the illicit Find the Difference website.

Image from an actual Find the Difference webiste
Diff5

However, after incriminating photos were published on the front pages of several popular tabloids, the staff member was forced to come forward and admit her addiction. During a sting operation headed by members of the DEA, several other staff members were also incriminated; putting an end to layercake.net’s squeaky clean image. The four staff writers and one editor were charged with repeatedly visiting the website, frantically clicking to find the differences between two photos earning what are known on the streets as “points”.

Dealers often use celebrity images from popular culture to lure users
Diff6

This high profile bust has uncovered a large underground population of Find the Difference or FTD users. Once seen clicking into the wee hours of the night, former addicts claim that the use of this website starts out as “fun and games”. Tragically it quickly takes over the users life and often alienating them from their loved ones.

If you suspect a loved one or friend has a problem with addiction to Find the Difference type websites or activities, be alert for the following behavioral changes:

• Shifty eyes, as if the person has been rapidly comparing two nearly identical images
• Hoarding the comics page of the Sunday paper and toiling over sister substance “Spot the Difference”
• Increased attention to mundane details
• A sudden interest in Adobe Photoshop

Detective Anna Moly notes that the more common “Spot the Difference” version of the drug is typically delivered directly to homes and is often combined with a stimulant known as the “The Jumble” to create a street cocktail popular with users as young as age 9.

The all too common image of fun and games gone awry.

Tara4

Sadly, addiction appears to be the path taken by many bloggers under pressure to perform for their readers. Inside sources confirm that several members of the layercake staff checked into the Sierra Tucson Treatment Center in the Santa Catalina Mountains. This sad tale of fame out of control is all to famillar to many of us in the press and we look forward to the healthy return of these wayward layercake.net staffers.

At press time, calls to the layercake.net offices were unanswered.

What’s your addiction?

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Jack-O-Lantern nipping at your nose..

In Shoppping, Want It, Get It by Heidi Nyburg on Thursday, October 6, 2005

Hallowtreen

Faux Christmas trees piled up in the aisles at Home Depot. Stockings hung in the Target stores with care. Hallmark stores dressed like Santa’s workshop. All of that festive red and green can only mean one thing, Snowflakes, it’s October! And in the spirit of the season, all of us at Layercake.net have taken the angst out of gift giving. It was difficult, but we did it; we shopped so you don’t have to. This year we went to the source, the king of commerce, the master of merchandising Needless Markup Neiman Marcus. Every October Neiman Marcus publishes their much anticipated Fantasy Gift catalog. This holiday hit list is filled with fabulous and fancy finds for the financially fortunate. Let’s take a trip down the Neiman Marcus fantasy freeway.

You’ll find you’re dancing on a number nine cloud..

Just what the crazed commuter dreams of. You’ll fly high above the traffic as you cloud cruise at speeds of 350 mph and beyond. The Moller M400s Sky Car runs on alcohol and gets up to 21 miles per gallon. Environmentally friendly, sexy and speedy, all this for a cool 3.5 million.

NeimanMarcusSkyCar

Flesh for fantasy..

Live and in the flesh Sir Elton John will perform for the lucky recipient of this intimate concert for 500. Impress your friends and feel good about it as the $1.5 million price will be donated to the Elton John AIDS Foundation.

NiemanMarcusElton

Dear Mr. Fantasy play us a tune, something to make us all feel happy..

If you’re like us, you’ve become slightly obsesssed with dressing your iPod. This year’s fantasy catalogue has just the fix. iPod cases from D&G, Prada, Gucci and Burberry; choose your favorite for about 200 bucks. If you know someone who has been especially good, perhaps you should fill their stocking with the Valentino mini ipod case, covered in Swarovski® crystals retails for $840.00. iPod not included.

NiemanMarcusIpodCase

In my minds eye I see clearly a vision of how it could be. Me and my fantasy girl..

Private custom photo booth- $20,000.00
Roll of quarters- $10.00
Alone time in custom photo booth with fantasy girl- Priceless

NMPhotoBox

Alas, we’re still hoping for a pair of last year’s $8,000.00 Jay Strongwater Swarovski® encrusted Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head. And we’ve been naughty and nice..

What’s your fantasy?

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