Kathy Hilton and Barbara Walters walk into a bar. . No actually they were talking on the phone together, probably talking smack about Rosie, when Paris clicks over on the other line. Paris, realizing that in Barbara she has an opportunity to tell the world how much she has changed in two days, calls Babs collect from jail.

According to ABC News this is what she said, and now we totally get it! She has changed!

“I’m not the same person I was,” she said. “I used to act dumb. It was an act. I am 26 years old, and that act is no longer cute. It is not who I am, nor do I want to be that person for the young girls who looked up to me. I know now that I can make a difference, that I have the power to do that. I have been thinking that I want to do different things when I am out of here. I have become much more spiritual. God has given me this new chance.”

“My spirit or soul did not like the way I was being seen and that is why I was sent to jail.”

“God,” she said, “has released me.”

We are totally into the whole spiritual rebirth, people can change thing, but the only thing Paris could have changed in 3 days is her underwear. Oh wait, not her underwear, she doesn’t wear underwear. Ok well you get our point, 3 days of sulking and learning how to read does not a reformed pantie-shunning party heiress make. This change smacks of insincerity and we’re not buying it. Paris may have learned a few things by reading the Cliff’s notes to a few spirituality books but she’s no genius.

Things Paris may have learned from her stay in jail thus far:

1) No panties and polyester not a good combination.

2) Pinkberry and Vodka are not officially USDA sanctioned parts of the Prison Food Pyramid

3) Wants to play a judge in the next Simple Life series.

4) Lee Baca, totally on permanent payroll Christmas list

5) Orange is so not the new black.

Are you buying it?