Top 7 Obnoxiously Caloric Summer Treats

In Cuisine, Pop Culture by Heidi Nyburg on Wednesday, August 29, 2007

In other words, how we spent our Summer vacation.

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Ice Cream is the quintessential summer time treat and our own extensive research indicates that hot summer nights increase cone consumption significantly. All of this conesumption, if you will, has the think tanks filled with designers of creamy confections working hard to keep up with the Coneses. Consumers demand variety and in today’s snacktastic market where ice cream isn’t just a scoop on a cone, it’s 11 scoops in a deep fried waffle bowl with couple of candy bars mixed in then expertly garnished with several chocolate dipped baked goods. Here is the ultimate blow your daily caloric intake in one sitting list of evil summer treats to end all lists of ultimate blow your daily caloric intake in one sitting evil summer treats.

# 7 Giant Chocolate Dipped Cone

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This layercake favorite comes in at lucky number 7, and it just doesn’t get better than this. It’s simply divine. Dark chocolate carefully envelopes deep vanilla soft serve and sit sits meltily atop the classic cake cone. Why do they call it a cake cone? It’s not made from cake, doesn’t look like a cake and still it gets cake credit. Let’s get a real cake cone. Remember when cones had names on them? Yeah, we got jacked, our names were never on cones. Maybe we didn’t get jacked, maybe the real bummer is having a name that would appear a cone. Like Suzy or Sally. No offense. Calories in the large version of this precious classic: 670 with 31 grams of fatty fatterson. Nicely done.

#6 - Starbuck’s Strawberries & Crème Frappuccino® Blended Crème

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Summer treats aren’t just for licking, raising your summer calorie count is even easier when you use a straw. While this adorable pink Summer offering from Starbucks contains no caffeine buzz, it does pack a giant jolt of calories and fat. When sized as a vente it packs a not so bathing suit friendly 750 calories and an abs of steel crushing 15 grams of fat.

# 5 Klondike’s Choco Taco

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Yeah it’s a taco and yeah it’s ice cream-tastic. This venture into dinner time menu items reinterpreted as ice cream has us yearning for Choco raviolis, Chocolli or Mashed Choctatoes. Wait, wouldn’t that just be chocolate mousse? Whatever, bring it on. Choco Taco packs 300 calories and 15 grams a fat. Now that may seem like a drop in the proverbial calorie bucket but let’s be realistic, at just 4 ounces there is no way that just one Choco Taco would satisfy your craving for yum. Besides, who eats just one taco? So for the Choco Taco we are going with an obnoxious serving size of 2 which brings the calorie count to a far more list worthy 600 with 30 grams of fat.

# 4 Funnel Cake

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Sometimes Summer treats aren’t frozen at all. Such is the case with the carnival and boardwalk favorite the funnel cake. The act of breathing in the scent of a funnel cake baking frying is so delicious that it should technically count as calories consumed. Now fill that golden brown fried cake with fruit, chocolate and whipped cream and you’ve got some serious calories, 760 to be exact. And accompanying those calories, they hate to travel alone, is a ginormous 40 grams of fat. Delish!

# 3 Dairy Queen Chocolate Malt

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Calories weren’t invented yesterday. Even old-fashioned treats with their innocent names and lack of candy bar mix ins can be loaded with calories. Case in point, the classic chocolate malt. You know the one you sip while sitting on a barstool at the soda fountain. You could order a chocolate malt at 1300 calories and 31 grams of fat, but check out that soda jerk, he’s the hotness! Hmm better order the seltzer water with vanilla.

# 2 Baskin Robbin’s Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Sundae

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The fastest way to increase the calorie and fat content of any dish is to simply add Peanut Butter. 31 Flavors knows this and they are fearless in their implementation. Not only is this dish loaded with peanut butter sauce and a layer of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, it’s also sporting a hefty three scoop serving of chocolate peanut butter cup ice cream. Topped with whipped cream and peanut butter cup chunks this dish weighs in at 1400 calories and 90 grams of fat. Yeah, that’s right, 90 grams of fat. What?

# 1 Chilli’s Chocolate Chip Paradise Pie

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Prefer to consume your sinful summer time treats from the comfort of a tufted vinyl booth? Have a thing for plastic coated menus? Welcome to Chilli’s home of all kinds of stuff that no self respecting human should ever eat. Loaded with vanilla ice cream, chocolate syrup, and lots of pie-like ingredients, this self proclaimed piece of paradise is practically a lobbyist for obesity at 1600 calories and 78 grams of fat.

What’s your favorite?

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18 Comments »

Comment by MC

August 29, 2007 @ 11:21 am

Wow… those last three are scary, scary, scary.

Comment by Daily Eats

August 29, 2007 @ 2:31 pm

OMG - you are god for posting such delicious and deadly treats. The DQ chocolate malt looks amazing enough to dive into.

Comment by Heidi Nyburg

August 29, 2007 @ 4:22 pm

Numbers 1-3 contain more calories than Weight Watchers allows in one day. I would have put up some Red Robin dishes but they refuse to disclose their nutritional info. Bastards!

Comment by fruityoaty

August 29, 2007 @ 8:56 pm

ZOMG! Drool. Nice photos…

I feel like I gained a few calories just from reading this delicious entry.

Comment by Finca

August 30, 2007 @ 2:38 am

mhhhhh.. I’m totally in love with these choco tacos… be right back ! ;)

Comment by Anon2

August 30, 2007 @ 4:31 pm

Sign me up for a DQ chocolate malt.

Comment by SamuraiFrog

August 31, 2007 @ 3:17 pm

The DQ and I need to break up or I’m never going to reach my goal of weighing less than 300 pounds…

Comment by Jew

September 2, 2007 @ 5:00 am

Damn you made me so hungry.

Comment by goyin

September 2, 2007 @ 9:36 am

chaco taco is where its at!

Comment by Ang

September 2, 2007 @ 3:15 pm

The peanut butter cup sundae should be illegal! 90 grams of fat! It should come with it’s own defibrilator.

I’m a fan of the choc dipped cone. My first job in SC was at Foster’s Freeze. I ate them all the time! I gained 30 pounds in 6 months!

Comment by Heidi Nyburg

September 2, 2007 @ 4:25 pm

I ate a chocolate dipped cone Friday night at the Boardwalk after the Tubes concert. Yeah, that’s right, the Tubes.

Comment by Geedos

September 7, 2007 @ 4:41 am

Mmm … ice cream!

I think my favourite one would be the chocolate Oreo in your top picture … gorgeous! :-)

Comment by Ashley Gilmour

September 17, 2007 @ 6:11 am

wow you guys in the US get such better stuff than we do in the UK, that reeces ice cream looks soo cool

Comment by Johnus

September 26, 2007 @ 6:31 am

I knew something was missing today from my menu…now I know what :D

Comment by Alex

September 28, 2007 @ 12:43 am

I wish we had those yummy ice creams around here…:D

Comment by Carzeky

October 4, 2007 @ 10:41 pm

I simply love strawberries. I’m sorry but I can’t resist. I think there is still some exceptions on the rules, right?

Comment by Guy

October 12, 2007 @ 9:07 pm

I’m going to Dairy Queen as we speak!

Comment by Felipe Veiga "Dent VII"

October 14, 2007 @ 8:02 pm

This is the nightmare of a chubby commenter as me, lol.
Now I gotta go pick something to eat, cause seeing those delicious foods make me feel depressed cauze I’m a little overweight, so I eat something to pass this feeling. I only wish it was number 5, not ice cream from my fridge.

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