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How sad is this? Everyone and their mother is reporting that Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams are kaput. We always liked them together. They seemed kind of normal. Like the kind of couple you could have over for dinner and a game of Scattergories, as opposed to the kind of couple you could lunch with at Ivy at the Shore and then sit around complaining about the paparazzi. Well, they seem grounded enough to make the separation a workable one for Matilda.

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Yeah, we’re back. What? A giant piece of layercake can’t slink off and take a stealthy, frosted vacation? What kind of world are we living in? You missed us, huh? And you kind of want to kiss us too. It’s ok to admit it. Muah! Big kiss! We missed you too!

So onto more pressing issues. While we were on Summer Vacation (yes, it’s capitalized, look it up in the layercake book of vaguely correct grammar) we saw a little puppet show called AvenueQ. And as we watched and fought the overwhelming urge to rent puppet porn sing along, we couldn’t help but notice THIS:

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They are officially the new Wonder Twins. Did you see AvenueQ? What did you think?

This is hot! Make out rumors rule, especially when they feature two of our most favorite actors. These two totally have chemistry. Sexy.

According to Page 6:

ELLEN Barkin, who was so hot and bothered in “Ocean’s Thirteen,” might be getting some relief with Ralph Fiennes. Late Sunday night, our spies caught them at the Mercer, “holding hands and cuddling before going up to his room.” A week earlier, they had been “full-on making out,” also at the hotel.

Makin’ Out

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Paris Hilton’s new day job. Unless of course Barbara Walters has anything to say about it.

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UPDATE: We’ve changed the embedded game to a link to a game because we were starting to hum the song in our sleep. Click the pic to be transported away to Paris’ new office.

It’s web linking Wednesday, the round up everything you need to know in order to maintain your cool kid status. That and a nickel should get you into the Kevin Federline Fathered My Baby club, ’cause it doesn’t take much. Get your link on.

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Kathy Hilton and Barbara Walters walk into a bar. . No actually they were talking on the phone together, probably talking smack about Rosie, when Paris clicks over on the other line. Paris, realizing that in Barbara she has an opportunity to tell the world how much she has changed in two days, calls Babs collect from jail.

According to ABC News this is what she said, and now we totally get it! She has changed!

“I’m not the same person I was,” she said. “I used to act dumb. It was an act. I am 26 years old, and that act is no longer cute. It is not who I am, nor do I want to be that person for the young girls who looked up to me. I know now that I can make a difference, that I have the power to do that. I have been thinking that I want to do different things when I am out of here. I have become much more spiritual. God has given me this new chance.”

“My spirit or soul did not like the way I was being seen and that is why I was sent to jail.”

“God,” she said, “has released me.”

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We are totally into the whole spiritual rebirth, people can change thing, but the only thing Paris could have changed in 3 days is her underwear. Oh wait, not her underwear, she doesn’t wear underwear. Ok well you get our point, 3 days of sulking and learning how to read does not a reformed pantie-shunning party heiress make. This change smacks of insincerity and we’re not buying it. Paris may have learned a few things by reading the Cliff’s notes to a few spirituality books but she’s no genius.

Things Paris may have learned from her stay in jail thus far:

1) No panties and polyester not a good combination.

2) Pinkberry and Vodka are not officially USDA sanctioned parts of the Prison Food Pyramid

3) Wants to play a judge in the next Simple Life series.

4) Lee Baca, totally on permanent payroll Christmas list

5) Orange is so not the new black.

Are you buying it?

Read On, it’s crazy!!!
The AP reports:

A Screaming Paris Hilton Sent Back to Jail

Hilton was taken from a courtroom screaming and crying Friday seconds after a judge ordered her returned to jail to serve out her entire 45-day sentence for a parole violation in a reckless driving case.

“It’s not right!” shouted the weeping Hilton. “Mom!” she called out to her mother in the audience.

Hilton, who was brought to court in handcuffs in a sheriff’s car, came into the courtroom disheveled and weeping. Her hair was askew and she wore a gray fuzzy sweatshirt over slacks. She wore no makeup and she cried throughout the hearing.

Her body also shook constantly as she dabbed at her eyes. Several times she turned to her parents, seated behind her in the courtroom, and mouthed, “I love you.”

She had been brought to court in sheriff’s custody today for a court hearing on her early release from jail after back-and-forth decisions on whether she could participate by telephone from her home.

Hilton, appearing to be in handcuffs, cried after she was placed into a black-and-white patrol car, which sped away from her home with lights flashing as news helicopters pursued, broadcasting live TV coverage.

The car carrying her disappeared into the courthouse’s underground parking lot, avoiding a swarm of news media, and her parents then arrived.

In the hearing, which began at late morning, a judge was to listen to the city attorney’s complaint that the county sheriff did not have the right to reassign her to electronically monitored home detention after only three days in jail for violating probation in a reckless driving case.

UPDATE: Here’s what the Sheriff who let her out, Lee Baca, has to say.

“It isn’t wise to keep a person in jail with her problem over an extended period of time and let the problem get worse,” Baca told the Los Angeles Times on Thursday.

“My message to those who don’t like celebrities is that punishing celebrities more than the average American is not justice,” Baca said.

Hmm we didn’t know that Sheriffs were actually Justices in disguise.

Morning Gromit, Paris! Time for Jailies!

Mr. Judge is rather irritated with Sheriff Lin Baca who released Ms. Hilton from jail yesterday and Paris is due back in court at 9am Friday! She is so going back to jail. Rash or no rash. Maybe they’ll let her bring her La Mer.

Ms Hilton was sent home under house arrest Thursday, the judge who put her in jail for violating her reckless-driving probation ordered her into court to determine whether she should be put back behind bars.

Read on..

Don’t bring the Bentley, we’ll totally give you a ride!

Hilton must report to court at 9 a.m. Friday, Superior Court spokesman Allan Parachini told The Associated Press.

“My understanding is she will be brought in in a sheriff’s vehicle from her home,” Parachini said.

Superior Court Judge Michael T. Sauer issued his order after the city attorney filed a petition late Thursday afternoon questioning whether Sheriff Lee Baca should be held in contempt of court for releasing Hilton on Thursday morning.

The shit is hitting the fan!

She was ordered to finish her sentence under house arrest, meaning she could not leave her four-bedroom, three-bath home in the Hollywood Hills until next month.

“What transpired here is outrageous,” county Supervisor Don Knabe told The Associated Press, adding that he received more than 400 angry e-mails and hundreds more phone calls from around the country.

Hilton’s return home gives the impression of “celebrity justice being handed out,” he said.

City Attorney Rocky Delgadillo complained that he learned of her release the same way as almost everyone else — through news reports.

Someone is going down like a cheap pair of socks over this one.

“It is the city attorney’s position that the decision on whether or not Ms. Hilton should be released early and placed on electronic monitoring should be made by Judge Sauer and not the Sheriff’s Department,” said Jeffrey Isaacs of the city attorney’s office.

Sauer himself had expressed his unhappiness with Hilton’s release before Delgadillo asked him to return her to court. When he sentenced Hilton to jail last month, he ruled specifically that she could not serve her sentence at home under electronic monitoring.

Parachini said Sauer reminded the Sheriff’s Department of that when he learned Hilton was about to be released.

“He reiterated the terms of his sentencing order. He did not agree to the terms of release that the sheriff proposed,” Parachini told the AP before Delgadillo asked that Hilton be returned to court.

And now for the bitch slap!

But, Parachini said at the time, it is the sheriff and not the judge who decides when inmates are released from jail.

Delgadillo’s office indicated that it would argue that the Sheriff’s Department violated Sauer’s May 4 sentencing order.

All bets are in, she’ll be lunching in the yard by noon and we don’t mean the garden terrace at Ivy.

On-again off-again-on-again couple we never understood John Mayer and Jessica Simpson is off again. And the couple we totally thought would last Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson are off again. Larry and Laurie David have announced their separation after 14 years of marriage . All this breaking up has us feeling a bit nostalgic for celebrity couples of the past. the ones that got away. Let’s reminisce, shall we?

Wow, blast from the past! Married in 1991 Richard Gere and Cindy Crawford split just four years later. Many speculated that their eighteen year age difference was to blame. That dress is so 1992!

Are we the only ones who thought Julia Roberts and Benjamin Bratt would get married and have kids together? Not to be, at least not with each other. They made a cute couple.

Cameron Diaz and Matt Dillon split after three years together, according to Dillon, Diaz wasn’t ready to settle down. Hm. She’s just not that into you.

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Madonna and Sean Penn split after a tumultuous 3-year marriage and in doing so, put an end to their rocky relationship with the paparazzi.

Click Read On to see more celebrity couples from the past and tell us who you think should get back together

(Read on …)