Citing an unspecified medical condition, she’s got the anklet and she’s on her way home! No WAY!!!! ANy guesses at the “medical condition”? I’m guessing she is having serious withdrawal from her sidekick. Or she’s allergic to orange.

AP Scoop:

Los Angeles- Paris Hilton was released from jail early Thursday due to an unspecified medical condition after serving only three days of a 23-day sentence. She was sent home with an electronic monitoring ankle bracelet and must remain there for 40 days, according to sheriffs spokesman Steve Whitmore.

Hilton checked into the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood on Sunday night to begin serving time for violating probation. The 26-year-old hotel heiress surrendered with little fanfare after a surprise appearance at the MTV Movie Awards, where she worked the red carpet in a strapless designer gown.

“I am trying to be strong right now,” she told reporters at the time. “I’m ready to face my sentence. Even though this is a really hard time, I have my family, my friends and my fans to support me, and that’s really helpful.”

Hilton was housed in the “special needs” unit of the 13-year-old jail, separate from most of its 2,200 inmates. The unit contains 12 two-person cells reserved for police officers, public officials, celebrities and other high-profile inmates. She didn’t have a cellmate.

After her first night in jail, Hilton’s lawyer, Richard A. Hutton, said she was doing well under the circumstances. “She’s using this time to reflect on her life, to see what she can do to make the world better and hopefully, in my opinion, to change the attitudes that exist about her among many people,” Hutton said after visiting Hilton.

When she was sentenced May 4, Superior Court Judge Michael T. Sauer ruled that she would not be allowed any work release, furloughs or use of an alternative jail or electronic monitoring in lieu of jail. Sheriff’s officials had said she would serve about 23 days of her 45 day sentence behind bars because of state rules allowing shorter sentences for good behavior.

Unbelievable. Comments?

You are so lucky you can’t hear us doing our best Amy Winehouse impression while singing that headline. Ok, so Lindsay is headed back to rehab and it’s so sad. We shouldn’t make light of rehab even though it’s the new black. Oh haw sad, poor Linds. Oookaaay, now that that’s out of our system, on with the mockery! You see we have to practice our stickfigure photoshop skillz and someone has to be the victim. Today my friends, that someone is the poster for Lindsay’s box-office floppy flopperson: Just My Luck. Or not as is it were.

We can blur! And clone! Not very well!

We gave Dina a bob, cause we couldn’t get the hair glued on properly. Uh yeah, cause there’s so much glue in Photoshop.

The AP reports:

Lohan, 20, and two other people were in her 2005 Mercedes SL-65 when it crashed on Sunset Boulevard around 5:30 a.m., Sgt. Mike Foxen said.

“She was cited and released because she has been admitted to a local hospital for minor injuries,” Foxen said.

No one else was hurt and no other cars were involved, Foxen said. He did not have other details.

Officers went to the scene after receiving a 911 call about the accident, Foxen said.

Lohan will have to appear in court to answer the citation, he said.

The arrest was first reported on the Web site of X17 Inc., a celebrity photo agency.

Lohan publicist Leslie Sloane Zelnik did not immediately return an e-mail requesting comment.

Now that Paris has found God, is Lindsay left to fill those drunk driving Louboutins all by her lonesome? Those are some big shotglasses shoes to fill.

This is the part where you make something up and put it in the comments. What’s in that monstrosity of a Marge-Simpson bouffant?

We’ll start:

Angelina Jolie’s next kid or a ham sammich.

Your turn.

This one is for our reader and dear friend Angela. No Brad, just Ang. If you can stomach Anne Curry, it’s a good interview. We originally saw it on tv and it’s so much better this way, without the eleventymillion interruptions. She is so real. Very introspective and it’s sad to hear her talk about losing her mom.

Sheryl Crow and her new baby, Wyatt. He’s pretty cute. So happy for her.

Meanwhile, Lance Armstrong continues his collecting of relationships with blonds with clothing designer Tory Burch. Nah, he doesn’t have a type.

Cake readers love their mornin’ gossip. And we love to give the readers what they want. Here is some juicy morning smack talkin’ to fill in your non-work doin’ first hour of the day. Oh and we promise to take some Photoshop classes real soon. Until then, continue to enjoy mock our choppy, crooked artistic offerings like the one below.

Lindsay Lohan’s on again off again relationship with “the wagon” is off again. Lindsay and the wagon have been growing apart for months and she was recently seen kanoodling with a Mr. Vodka Straight at Anchor Bar. At one point sources say, she was forgoing the traditional grownup beverage delivery system and taking her vodka like a baby, straight from the bottle. We could talk about how sad it is but this is the snarky gossip portion of the Cake so, no whining.

Katie Holmes, porn star? Yeah, not the Katie Holmes who’s married to Tom super-into-his-religion-not-that-there’s-anything-wrong-with-that Cruise. This Katie is actually Katee Holmes, a fashion design student from Southern California who is planning to lose her virginity on camera. The New York Post reports Katee has hooked up with some veteran porn production types who have promised to produce the film starring her first sexual experience. Not the Bill Clinton kind, real sex. Apparently Katee is using the name Katee as a “tribute” to Katie Holmes because she is a huge Dawson’s Creek fan. With fans like that, who needs enemies? Uh yeah, Katee, shouldn’t a tribute be something that the tributee actually appreciates? Like a scholarship fund in their name or maybe a sandwich named in their honor? Having your cherry popped on camera while using your hero’s name with a replacement vowel? That’s just rude.

More gossip with fewer words:

Napoleon Dynamite and his wife had a baby girl. People

Jessica Biel shops for radishes. No really, that’s it. That’s the entire story. Scandalous. x-17 Don’t even click that. Why are you clicking? It’s radishes.

Just look at the weird Jessica Biel tongue pic instead:

Check it out. We laughed.

Do they not look like a magazine ad for Ray Ban sunglasses?

The Jolie-Pitts brought their Mighty Hearts to Cannes and they looked good doing it. Loving Angelina’s dress! That’s Mariane Pearl and Adam, her son with late husband Daniel Pearl, in the photo. Mariane is such a strong woman and even though the subject matter is so sad we’re looking forward to seeing her story.

In a photo from the set, Angelina looks just like Mariane. And here is the trailer. The opening scene is really sad.

Angelina works the lips

Angelina talks about the pressure to get the role of Marine Pearl just right. MSNBC

Check this out!!! Perez Hilton totally ‘jacked our canine comparing conception!!!! We don’t know whether to laugh or cry!!

Perez’s Post dated today, May 18th 2007:

Naturally it’s not the first time someone has compared a photo of a dog to a photo of a person, but considering the source and subject material we doubt it was a matter of chance.

The couple you never understood is now kaput, Jessica Simpson and John Mayer are officially on hiatus. People Magazine is reporting that Jess and John are broken up but it maybe not for good. Venessa Minnillo is probably clutching Nick Lachey like Paris is clutching her freedom right about now.