Yep, it’s time. Time for Brown Bag Cinema. The only real way to be absolutely certain that it’s Thursday.

Today’s film is a moving oxymoron, a true contrast in moods.

Requiem For a Toy Story : A Mash up of Toy Story and Requiem For A Dream

source

THIS JUST IN! Man, that Ninja is fast!

Ahoy Pirates and Wenches! On this day in honor of Pirates of the Carribean 3, we be postin’ all things Pirate.! Arrrr! If ye be visitin’ the Pirate’s Chest of Cake on many occasions this day, yer pirate eyes will feast upon many pearls of Pirate Pop Culture.

Now on to the Popcorn Friday lest ye matees not know what movie to be seein’ on this adventurous and treasure filled weekend..Arr..

Popcorn Worthy: Arrrghh.

Why: Even pirate fans fear the wrath of world’s end. We be makin’ our treasures safe by purchasing a ticket.

Watch the trailer: or suffer the wrath..

Lay yer eyes on the Layercake English to Pirate Translator and be ye prepared to leave yer comments in pirate speak!

Be visitin’ us again today or ye be walkin’ tha plank.. arrrr

Happy lunchtime and thank you for joining us for this week’s installment of Brown Bag Cinema. Each week Brown Bag Cinema brings you a happy, fun, lunchtime slice of cinematic genius that screams: It must be Thursday!

If Board Games Were Movies: Hilarity ensues.

Thank you, Robot Chickens. Be sure to catch more Robot Chicken creations on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim.

Do they not look like a magazine ad for Ray Ban sunglasses?

The Jolie-Pitts brought their Mighty Hearts to Cannes and they looked good doing it. Loving Angelina’s dress! That’s Mariane Pearl and Adam, her son with late husband Daniel Pearl, in the photo. Mariane is such a strong woman and even though the subject matter is so sad we’re looking forward to seeing her story.

In a photo from the set, Angelina looks just like Mariane. And here is the trailer. The opening scene is really sad.

Angelina works the lips

Angelina talks about the pressure to get the role of Marine Pearl just right. MSNBC

Well we finally watched the big screen version of Bewitched starring Will Ferrell and Nicole Kidman and we can’t really put into words what we are feeling. Mostly it’s a bunch of stuff about getting those two hours of life refunded. Instead of posting about how betrayed and used we feel, we will just show you via the animation genious of the Family Guy.

If you have seen Bewitched and feel the need to override the suckage, OnDemand has free episodes of the original show playing through May 29th.

It’s Popcorn Friday!

Is it even worth mentioning that there are other movies opening this weekend that don’t star a green ogre? While it’s true that Shrek is the only big box office movie opening, there are a couple of other gems out that are totally worthy of the popcorn.

So let’s get this out of the way:

Popcorn Worthy: Shrek

Why: Because feeling left out makes us cry. We also have a soft spot for Shrek’s babies, Shilo, Pax and Maddox.

Popcorn Worthy: Brooklyn Rules

Why: The mafia and college go together like cake and ice cream. Also hearing Alec Baldwin lose his temper makes us all warm and fuzzy.

Watch the trailah :

Popcorn Worthy: Even Money

Why: Alec Baldwin and Kim Bassinger both have movies opening this weekend. Oh now it’s war. You thought the whole child custody thing was ugly. It’s so onnnnnnnnnnnnnn (drag out the n, you know the drill). This film stars Kim Bassinger (ew) and Danny Devito and the plot sounds a little like the Prestige meets Two For the Money meets When a Man Loves a Woman. Even Money also stars Forest Whitaker who cancels out the Kim Bassinger ew-factor which means that by default we will be there.

Watch the trailer:

Uber-Popcorn Worthy: The Wendell Baker Story

Why: We will probably see this twice and then buy the DVD and then spend the rest of our lives blissfully quoting the dialog.

Watch the trailer: loldogs: Run, Jr., run for your life.

The Bad boy Wilson brother:

The thinking woman’s Wilson brother

Have cake for lunch! Come by every Thursday at lunch time for some brown bag cinema. Ok we’re using the term cinema very loosely. More like herky jerky editing of random subject matter with no real plot or direction. Stuff that won’t even go straight to DVD unless by DVD you mean Youtube.

Today’s Brown Bag Cinema:

As you know, Pirates have cell phones. And now they have ringtones. We came across these free ringtones and we can confirm that if you put these on your phone, pirates will call you. It’s true. We just hung up with Johnny Depp moments ago. We’re totally doing lunch next week.

Read the entire ad before texting. Especially the part about how you will be charged standard messaging rates. Just sayin’ Arrrrgghh.

The MPAA is about to hold Hollywood accountable for its cinematic portrayal of smoking. Smoking will join violence, sexual activity and profanity among others on the list of behaviors considered when films are rated. According to the report, the manner in which the smoking is portrayed will be considered in the rating:

Film raters will consider the pervasiveness of tobacco use, whether it glamorizes smoking and the context in which smoking appears, as in movies set in the past when smoking was more common.

So our question is this, what is the actual formula for determining whether or not the smoking is glamorized? Who is glamorous when they are smoking? Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct? The landlady from King Pin having her post-coital smoke? We’ve taken the liberty of enlisting our most brilliantest professors of mathemeticalisms to construct an equation to resolve this issue.

Behold the Layercake Formula For Restrictive Rating Based on Glamorized Smoking Content or LFFRRBOGSC:

All scientific calculations aside, Hollywood shouldn’t worry, this sort of thing has happened in the past. Hearken back to the black lung days of Hollyrock when Barney Rubble and Fred Flintstone were essentially blackballed from the Saturday morning cartoon lineup as a direct result of their involvement in a Winston Cigarette commercial which aired during prime time.

We’re left wondering what’s next on the MPAA’s hit list? In a country of childhood obesity and heart disease could the NC-17 rating based on glamorized Twinkie consumption be far off?