Layercake.net

Ecommerce Database Management for Success.

Heidi Nyburg — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 19:30:47 +0000

Yeah, I know the header for this post is not really very layercake-ish but after the online shopping experience I just had it seemed appropriate. While flipping through the pages of a back issue of Glamour:

I saw this adorable blouse, let’s call it Exhibit A:

Cute,huh? So according to the article I can find this retro little gem of a blouse at an online store called Unique Vintage. And we’re off like a prom dress. After a few clicks we find our way around the store—more on the UI later—we find the blouse. How exciting is that? The magazine is at least a month or two old and the blouse is still in the store. Don’t get too excited, this is where the database management (or lack thereof) rears its ugly head. Look at this:

Do you see what I see? It’s sold out. Huh? I can’t even type Huh? enough times on this page to capture the lameness of this retail experience. This is a signature Macy’s.com move, but at least Macys.com doesn’t let you add the item to your cart and complete your purchase of said non-existent item that will never be produced again. Feel free to purchase it but just be aware that it will arrive in an invisible box and that it is constructed using only the finest quality organic air. And it comes with a refund to your credit card because it doesn’t exist. So today’s Database Management tip of the day is: Remove products that no longer exist from your active database. And if you feel you must leave the item on the site maybe because it’s so pretty and it got a lot of press, how ’bout flagging it as unsaleable so we don’t have any of those pesky credits to process.

UPDATE: I received a really nice comment from Katie, the owner of Unique Vintage clothing. She has removed the really cute unavailable blouse from the site. And even though my heart’s true desire was for Unique Vintage to wave its sparkly fashion wand and produce a few dozen more of that coveted blouse, I guess I’ll just have to walk away with a lesson learned. If you love something, go after it with passion and determination. Ah so true on so many levels. Like I mentioned in the post I totally understand leaving the item up for people to see, good press is hard to come by and it’s something to be proud of. Making it unsalable by not allowing it to be added to the cart just makes it easier for everyone and maybe putting it on the press page like some other stores do, instead of mixing it in with available inventory. The great thing about blogging, in my experience is that it opens lines of communication. Now let’s all get over to Unique Vintage and get our fashion on. If only Nordstrom was as responsive as Katie and could fix this website debacle of thiers.

If you’re in Southern California, you can visit the Unique VIntage flagship store at 2013. W Magnolia Blvd
Burbank, CA 915062013. Grand opening September 6th 2008!

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America’s Next Top Model Cycle 11

Heidi Nyburg — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 23:44:06 +0000

Here’s a peak at America’s Next Top Airbrush Victim Model Cycle 11. Naturally you can’t make out the contestants’ faces because of the blinding airbrush technique. And we don’t see Tyra in the photo, only an airbrushed facsimile. Oh wait, there she is, doing the oh so zen’d out 70s yoga pose front and center. What. Did. They. Do. To. Her. Face. Yes, we’re aware that using one word sentences for emphasis is soooo 2007 but so is blogging in first person plural and you don’t see us making that a fond memory.

Next season we’re going on strike unless the only person on the poster is noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker. In fact unless Nigel plays the host, the runway coach, the jaded former supermodel (first or otherwise) and all of the contestants, we’re just not going to watch.

For now though we’ll suffer through the unrecognizable wannabe Oprah that is Tyra Banks surrounded by her minions vying for yet another unremarkable career as America’s Next Marginally Successful Model. In case you’re planning on watching, Cycle 11 begins September 3rd on the Gossip Girl Channel er we mean the CW network.

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Conan O’Brien’s Kinder Gentler Grand Theft Auto

Heidi Nyburg — Sun, 25 May 2008 19:09:39 +0000

Maybe we found this video exceptionally hilarious because it reminded us of the very first time we played Grand Theft Auto. After a quick trip to Best Buy we excitedly popped in the game disk and got started. With no real concept of the game but a huge desire to skid around the dark and gritty streets in a really fast car, we walked around the town feeling clueless looking for an ATM and a car lot so we could by a car. After several days spent walking around various neighborhoods and few trips to the pawn shop, we decided to press pause and make a phone call to a friend with a fifteen year old son who we knew was a huge GTA player to ask about the location of the ATMs and where we could purchase the things we needed to get around in the game. Apparently we were taking the wrong approach as we were told that there are no ATMs in Grand Theft Auto and that if we wanted to obtain a vehicle that we should “just jack one from somebody.” Oh, now it’s clear, apparently our lack of “go to” criminal instincts was costing us dearly in the game. So maybe that explains why this video of a Kinder Gentler Grand Theft Auto seemed perfectly logical to us. Maybe we should just stick to playing The Sims.

Is it us or does the voice sound kind of like Danny Tanner from Full House?

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90210 is the new 90210

Heidi Nyburg — Mon, 19 May 2008 22:05:49 +0000

So here’ s a look at the “leaked” promo for the CW’s Beverly Hills 90210 spin off cleverly named 90210. By now every time you read the word “leaked” anywhere, you should just automatically think “press release”. The first thing we noticed about the new show is that the core cast of kids is smaller than the original cast. Maybe that’s because the parents will have larger roles in this new version, kind of an OC-ish twist. That should be an interesting spin but we’ll still miss the solid and wise parenting skills of Jim and Cindy Walsh. Jim and Cindy could make you thankful for being grounded. As is par for the course with any new series aimed at upcoming hipster ‘tweens, the new 90210 will usher in a new wave of trendy tot names for the next generation of followers. Will the names Dixon and Silver sweep the toddler playgrounds the way Brandon and Dylan did in the late nineties? Only series renewal will tell.

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Top Ten Fabulously Quirky Flickr Groups

Heidi Nyburg — Mon, 19 May 2008 03:20:13 +0000

Forget poignant shots of the green flash at sunset or uber macro shots of winged bugs perched on flowers, let’s talk about photos of crap that only very specific groups of people want to see. You know, photos of doll heads strapped to the grills of semi trucks or stuffed animals dining in restaurants- which by the way, totally attracts boat loads of customers. Who knows what your particular photo fetish is, maybe you’ll finally find a group of photogs who will appreciate your artistic series entitled “Gnomes at Concerts.” Or perhaps you’re just looking for a group of pals who appreciate tin foil hats as much as you do. Whatever your fancy, you are certain to find a group that suits your quirky method of photographic expression in our list of Top Ten Fabulously Quirky Flickr Groups alternately titled “See, You’re Not That Weird After All.” On with the list!

#10- Tin Foil Hats: You loved ‘em when you were 3 and now you’ve got the $1800 digital SLR to prove it! Get out the Reynolds Wrap and fashion a fancy foil fedora for yourself or for your cat. Ok, now work it!

#9 Pizza Upskirts: How naughty is number nine? Sexy, saucy Pizza Upskirts. Forget that whole Marilyn Monroe standing over the subway grates, the upskirts of pizza slices are so much hotter. Right? We feel so dirty.

#8 Stuffed Animals on Truck Grills: Saddest. Group. Ever. If you’re even the slightest bit sentimental, consider this a warning. This Flickr pool might bring you to tears. We are totally strong and unaffected by images of sad, lonely, lost and deeply missed stuffed animals out in the world, alone. The sight of a beloved toy strapped to a truck grill and being driven around dark and lonely highways all over the world with no regard for its feelings did not bring us to tears. However, you might not be as strong as we are so be warned. Sniff. Sniff.

#7- The Sugar Frosted Cereal Museum: If you’ve been reading Layercake for any length of time, like longer than a day, then you know that we make no secret of our adoring love for all things CEREAL. So when we ~~randomly stumbled upon~~ hit the gold mine after searching for hours our new favorite Flickr group, the cereal lovers dream that is The Sugar Frosted Cereal Museum. Crrrrunch!

#6 What’s in Your Fridge: Remember the first time you caught a glimpse into one of the refrigerators from an episode of MTV Cribs? Suddenly your own refrigerator contents, not to mention your sucky non-entourage having lifestyle, came into question. What would your fans think if they saw your half eaten Subway sandwich, spray butter and serious lack of Clicquot magnums? And we shudder to think of the wrath of judgment that would hail down upon your non-existent collection of individually packaged beverages. Will the MTV camera crew be forced to drink tap water? If these thoughts keep you up at night then this is the Flickr group for you! Now scoot, scoot off to the nearest Whole Foods to work on your refrigerator’s new image.

#5 Hotel Room Keys: What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Unless it involves room keys. Who doesn’t love a good souvenir especially when it serves as a reminder to all of the stuff that took place in your room away from home. This Flickr group is a photographic love letter to the room key. From credit card keys to old school metal these photos are certain to enrage hotel desk clerks around the world! Unlock your creativity!

#4 Simpsons Tattoos: This group may be small but they’ve got heart! And absolutely zero issues with commitment. At least not when it comes to their love of The Simpsons. Imagine loving a cartoon character so much that you have it tattooed onto your body forever and ever. And ever. Well, imagine no more, this Flickr group’s done all the hard work for you. And in honor of the group we have done something a little less permanent, we present you with this image taken from the very first episode of The Simpsons, the one where Bart gets his tattoo removed at the laser tattoo removal clinic. Ouch.

#3 Airline Food and #2 Room Service, it’s a tie! While the Airline Food pool has 587 of photos the Room Service pool is trailing behind with just fifty-two. How can that be? Those tiny little ketchup bottles and miniature jam jars deserve some digital appreciation. We love room service almost as much as we love a good underdog story so, get out your cameras and post some photos of those $18 grilled cheese sandwiches and $15 bagels. Let’s put Room Service in a head to head battle with Airline Food! Capturing your room service meal on film and posting it on Flickr might even make you feel like you got your money’s worth.

#1 Traveling Toys: We chose Travelling Toys for the number one slot on our list because, well because it’s our list. And c’mon the whole juxtaposition of a serious monument being visited by a toy is frankly, hilarious. It just is. Seriously you should try it some time. You will laugh.

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When Dinosaurs Roamed the Video Store Aisles

Heidi Nyburg — Thu, 15 May 2008 17:47:19 +0000

This video from The Onion made us nostalgic for late night trips to the video store. Not really. Not unless the definition of nostalgic has suddenly changed to “ew, remember how much that sucked.” Watch. Laugh. Rewind.

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Our pirate nudged your ninja.

Heidi Nyburg — Tue, 06 May 2008 22:50:21 +0000

For whatever reason, this week has been a super active one for us on Facebook and it’s been kinda fun connecting with people. We are pretty lazy when it comes to social networking, we’re not much for nudging or Pirate/Ninja battles, so when we came across this hilarious video spoof of Facebook taken literally, we laughed. A lot.

Watch. Laugh. Nudge.

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Have you checked the chicken?

Heidi Nyburg — Thu, 01 May 2008 18:03:37 +0000

In the ever expanding arena of Reality television farewell phrases we thought we’d heard it all. You have your standard goodbyes, the nice catchy farewells we’ve all grown accustom to over multiple seasons:

Project Runway’s harsh and insulting “You are out”
The Bachelor’s most dramatic”Ladies if you did not receive a rose please say your goodbyes”
Donald Trump’s bossy “You’re fired” from the Apprentice.
Big Brother’s landlordish “House guest you’ve been evicted”
Top Chef’s piercingly polite “Please pack your knives”
Survivor’s familiar “You need to bring me your torch, the tribe has spoken”
Rock of Love’s crushing “Your tour ends here”
Blah blah blah leave, go now, don’t look back etc etc.

Well last night reality TV sunk to a new low with Farmer Wants a Wife now airing on the CW Wednesdays at 9. Each week contestants will find out whether or not they made the cut by performing some task deemed sufficiently farme-esque by the show’s producers. This week the ten ladies vying for the heart of tan-tastic washboard ab sporting Farmer Matthew were alerted to their spouse searching status by lifting a chicken from its roost to see if there was an egg underneath. If you get an egg, you get to stay. Yes, that loud cluck was the sound of reality television shedding its last shred of dignity. We kid, we kid, reality television never had any dignity to shed.

We’re so excited for next week where the potential wives find out their status by playing bingo! And there will be pigs! This has us convinced that the producers just dial the See ‘n Say to come up with the challenge of the week. Next week on Farmer Wants a Wife: This is a cow…Mooo.

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Ga Ga Goo Goo.

Heidi Nyburg — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 22:02:12 +0000

Four Four hits the proverbial nail on the head with their freaking hilarious Mariah Carey/Pebbles Flintstone mashy mash-up. It’s like apricot baby food, almost tasty enough to eat. In fact the only thing wrong with this video is that it’s got a lot of Mariah Carey in it. We’re huge fans of not Mariah Carey. Kudos to Four Four, nicely done.

When we grow up we want to create our own original content instead of showing everyone the handiwork of others. For now, we’re just good pointer outters of funny stuff made by other people. Sigh..

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Hard Candy.

Heidi Nyburg — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 05:18:36 +0000

Madonna: Hard Ass or Candy Ass? Here’s the official cover of her new album. So much better than that Shirley Temple-esque promo shot for Candy Store but still as far as Madonna album covers go, this is not our fav. The tongue thing looks kinda weird, no?

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